Just a quick update.

Alyson is doing quite well post surgery. We have an appointment tomorrow to get her port flushed out. We are now waiting on the results of Oncotype DX test. This test will tell us the chances of the cancer coming back. We are hoping for a low score. If we get a low score, our oncologist will entertain the idea of postponing Chemo until after the birth of our son (no name yet, and it won't be Kosmo like Clint logue suggested).

I was just sitting here thinking about this whole "thing" that we have been going through, and I have this feeling of security and calmness. It is nice to sit here and just be still for a while. I have felt lately like I have been running on reserve. But then I thought about what that "reserve" was. It isn't reserve at all, it was the strength of the Lord. I just didn't know how to use the strength He was giving me. I let all this negative energy surround me and slow me down. The negative energy was a weight that I should have given over to the Lord, but in my desire to do things my way I let the weight, weigh me down. What would have happened if I had taken a moment to stop and look up? We all know that answer to that one. It goes back to that night at my small group when I keep hearing the phrase "depend on me". The Lord was probably telling me that long before that night, but I just didn't take the time to hear Him saying it to me. Things may have been less stressful had I taken the time to just sit still and listen. Although I am in no way blameless like Job, I think maybe Job finally listened during his trials. He probably heard God saying, "this is not from me, you know I love you, depend on me". I wonder when the devil figured out that God was right. I would have loved to see the look on the devils face when he finally figured out that God was right, Job would not "turn" on God. I hope someday to put that look on the devils face as well.

Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!