Depend on Me

I had an incredible meeting with God today. What an awesome night. As many of you know I have been struggling with trying to find a reason why my wife and I are having to go through this season in our lives. I was thinking this should be a high point in our lives because we are having our first child. We should be able to wholly enjoy this time. Why would we have to have my wife have cancer? I have been looking for an answer now for weeks.

Tonight we had a church small group meeting. This is a time that about 6-7 couples come together and fellowship in the Lord. We have a time of praise and worship along with a time of prayer. This is always a great time for me personally, because our group is so very special. Tonight we wanted to focus on at least one hope for the new year. Alyson and I mentioned that our hope was for continued peace of mind and new life. Peace of mind for Alyson and new life for our boy. We spent a great deal of time in prayer together. After a time, I had offered up a praise to the Lord, a praise of clarity that is to come. Well, I had no idea that some of that clarity would come 15 minutes later.

As we were praying and sharing I kept hearing a phrase in my head and it kept repeating itself over and over. The phrase was "Depend on Me, Depend on Me". I knew right away what that meant. I had been looking so hard for a reason that Aly has cancer while she is pregnant, and that made me very scared. So scared that I was becoming angry and frustrated because I did not know what to do. I had gotten to the point that I just wanted to lash out for not knowing answers. God answered me tonight. He said "Depend on Me". We hear it all the time in our Christian walk, yet we do not do it very often. It sounds simple in theory, but it is so difficult in practice. Depending on God involves letting go of things that we hold on to so very hard. It is so hard to let go of our fears and place them at the feet of God. I think it is because of pride. Pride that comes from the idea that I can do things my way and it will work out. I don't think we have that as a luxury in life. I think that the reason why we have problems in our lives is because we depend on our selves too much. Why do you think that we have drug abuse, alcoholism, a high divorce rate, and things of that nature. Its because we do not depend on God enough in our lives. We so often times only go to our knees in prayer because we are so tired and worn out from searching for answers elsewhere.

So that is what I am going to do. Depend on God. God will take care of the Doctors. God will take care of the recovery. God will take care of our son. God will take care of Alyson's cancer. I realize now that the answer is only a prayer away. When this is all done I know that Alyson and I will be walking testimonies of what depending on God will do in our walks with Christ.

Tomorrow I will depend on God, and I pray that my pride does not creep back in. I pray that my habit becomes to fall to my knees first and search for answers from God.